I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
