She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
