I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
