11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize