dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
