another moral hangover. fuck.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
