wakey wakey hands off snakey
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
