Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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