He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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