So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
