Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
