Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
