2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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