Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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