Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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