But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
