EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have post one night stand depression
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