What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
