the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
