You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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