I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
