You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
