I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
