Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
