so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
