i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
