you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
