im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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