Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
