so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
