the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
