my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
