im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
