nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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