she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
