just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
