i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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