"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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