nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
pop tarts are not kleenex
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
