she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
