i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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