ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Of course I have a pirate flag
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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