Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
