dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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