dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
