I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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