I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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