I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
