There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
