If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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