3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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