remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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