I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
