I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
