Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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