It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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