Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
