Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
