Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
