I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm passing your future prison.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
