somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
