Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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