You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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