Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the condom got lost in my hair
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A+ Viking dick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
