Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
