My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
