I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
