Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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