He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize