Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
