i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
