So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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