we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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