i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
