I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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