Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
