you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My cat gives me a boner
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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