I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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