Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
