Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
