I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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