I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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