Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
