He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
