shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
