the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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